Stand-Alone Spirit (1/2)
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ABDN January Discussion Meeting 2010.jpg
From the beginning of my religion practice,
my attendance on Young Men Tozo had brought my trust
and sense of belonging to Charles and Andrew.
My first dark-baby-blue Gongyo book,
my first Japanese wrapping cloth (solid-grass-green)
and my first Japanese Gongyo Pocket are all from Charles.
He didn't throw everything to me simultaneously,
yet everything of it was given between months apart.
It’s a feeling of belonging and cherishing for me,
I still remember, that night at Young Men Tozo,
Charles took the beautiful Bluey Gongyo book out and said it’s for me.
And the night of another Young Men Tozo after many months,
he gave me the Red Japanese gongyo Pocket along with the wrapping cloth.
Before handing them to me, he said they are originally from Japanese members,
and the pocket is handmade by a Japanese member.
As much as I love Japan, the Soka Gakai just rang the bells all around myheart.
Since then, I have known this is the practice for me.
The members are the representives of the religion.
They are always so kind, polite, un-gossiping, calm and open-hearted,
the longer I stay with them, the more I love to know more about this Buddhism.
I still remember that Charles had mentioned many times:
the existence of Young Women division for me at the Young Men Tozo.
By virtue of staying with Dannie, Charles and Andrew (also the smiley Bobbin),
I felt at home already.
One Youth Day (16th March 2007) at Andrew's house,
I met Manchester girls Amanda and Michelle whereas Dannie met Malaysian Mathew.
It must have been marked as a victorious day for some members I guess,
since last time I mentioned this incidence to Charles, he immediatelyrecollects the exact date.
On the Youth Day, I fell in love with Michelle and Amanda without hesitation.
Their attachment of friendship and love were/are so strong,
for me, at that time, it seems intimate and connecting.
I started attending Young Women Tozo at Amanda's place,
and the first time travelling to Ellon (Aberdeenshire) was in JC's lovelyyellow car.
In Amanda's bright cosy house in Ellon, I met Shiokee and Renei.
I have to admit that I really love the females bond;
the meetings soon became social teatime every month.
Long story short, I receive my Gohonzon two months later.
It seemed quite an impulsive and convenient decision to receive Gohonzon inshort time.
Many members struggle in process and some have to wait many years before that.
I think, I have been very lucky.
One Discussion meeting in April,
Derik openly confesses his constant thought of suicide,
left people unexpectedly to hesitation, to find something appropriate to say.
I felt for Derik and I believe in his will power, at that time and even now,
the most difficult thing is to confess your thing, your private thought,
and he did in front of us, that is a super brave thing to do.
Not worrying people may judge, not worrying people may use coloured glasses tosee you.
That bravery proves he can make himself better and better!
I don't know how he is now. He hasn't been to meeting for a while now,
but Derik and Bobbin have always in my heart that I truly care.
Said long story short, I still said too detailed >.<
Anyway,
my compulsive reaction breaking the silence in the room
towards that incident in Discussion meeting had led the ladies feeling:
its time for vivian to receive Gohonzon...
I wasn't quite sure about that idea of receiving it,
especially Dannie kept saying in Taiwan the members take at least two yearsconvincingly practice before the big decision.
It’s all about self-worth I guess, for myself at least.
I thought I was definitely not ready for such a big conmmitment.
I was very new, just getting contact with the practice for not more than twoyears.
But, they didn't push me or pour the pressure on me at all;
instead, they simply smilingly told me to:
chant for it and then I will know what heart feels about it.
I respect and adore Amanda very much from the beginning and I believe it will go a long way.
Amanda said she felt I am ready. So that it.
I feel confident in making this decision because of their support.
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