Possession
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Possession
I have a confession to make.
Not only are the favourite goods (hello Kitty, Pinkishstuffs etc) always irresistible to me, but I also always had sickly emotional attachment to the soft toys around me. For me, they embody lives, their own emotions,feelings and language. I could hold myself away from the passion and urge of purchasing and taking them home. Yet, as soon as they are mine, and as the time grows, I have found the connection between myself and them. Maybe, it’s more of one direction thing. Who knows if they actually have formed the same feelings on their own and bridged the friendship with me? But, I have strong reliantly emotional attachment stitching onto them individually. Of course, when I am distracted by something external, when the situation is very crucial or busy,or whenever my mood is high and happy through the roof, there is at times a belonging tending to be parted from me and lost in an unnoticeable corner of town or in a seldom visited shop. I often lost things, everywhere and anytime, am I not busy tripping myself and falling down on street or am I hitting the crystal cleardoor of the bank etc.. I have lost many things in Taiwan before, and it didn’t matter that much. Everything is easier to get around by shopping the exact same things again. Or, at least, my family would give me some caring concerns or thoughtful scolding and then it would be so straightforwardly pleasant nature to move on. In UK, however, things are so so different.
attachment to the soft dolls.2.jpg
Almost everything means something to me, not to mention the things I brought from Taiwan. I have lost many things and they luckily come back to me without long unsettling devastation. I recollect the time in Nottingham after the information researching for the project on the history of Henry the VIII in the university computer room, the H&M retro-faint-red jacket was left at the seat. When I ran back after 20 minutes, fortunately the British stranger girl seating next to me took my jacket out of her bag and returned it to me. Even till now, I couldn’t anticipate how she would do with my jacket if I didn’t ask her again when she was heading afar. But the jacket returns to my arm, and since then she has been with me for more than 6 years. The colour has been fading away, the fabric has been losing the elastic texture, yet my affection to her, my connection with her and my certain history spending with her has been simply growing priceless to me. Even now while I am typing this diary entry, the jacket is on me. However, today, this article is not dedicated to her but actually to another beloved one of mine.
When I was in Nottingham, that short period of time has defeated, by then, all the previous student years by the level of hardworking and my study drive. I used to go to bed at 8pm and wake up at 3am in the morning to do the English homework and learning fiercely before the dawn and sunrise. Every afternoon after the 4 modules under the critical Teacher Alex’s close supervision, I did the laundry by hand in the little shared restroom as soon as I head home and then the cooking for very early dinner. The life in Nottingham wasn’t enjoyable or even cheerful in the slightest but impressively developing my later constrained personality and constructively helping my later career. I remember the high study stress provoked me to pick off almost all of my eyebrows ^__^ very funny! The only warm excitement I had received was the big to small parcels sent from my family. My mum’s newfound Korean biscuits, my parents’ good deeds of reducing my homesick with the foods, and the photographs, souvenirs my mum bought for me from Japan. There were many Hello Kitty candies, Hokkaido soft dolls, and Kitty automatic pencil. Among these, the Kitty soft doll and Kitty pencil are the precious gifts. The Kitty soft doll had been with me for more than 7 years. No matter which bag I was using, the Kitty is always tagged along to the bag. I remember one time before my home visit for the treatment of tonsillitis, Emma offered the caring gesture and asked me to leave Kitty with her for her to remember me by during my trip home. How sweet is that! These and Those are the memories Hokkaido Kitty has given me all through the years no matter where I am or even being alone yet never felt lonely with her accompany. Especially in Aberdeen, whenever I settle on the bus, my fingers and palm holding her I could feel the prompt relief and comfort….
In the late evening of the the sixth day of my independent Kamakura Campaign, while organizing the next day outfit I panicked,for I couldn’t find the Hokkaido Lavender Hello Kitty anywhere. Three hand bags,1 and only the pink JanSport 1 Malaysian bought d&g Cream Bag and 1 FCUK smalldenim bag, are often used along with the Hello Kitty on the handle ring. Amongthem, and the other bags there is no Hello Kitty here and there. I know I was panickingsecretly under the surface yet looked calmly organizing things as usual. Becauseof losing her, many memories emerge to my mind and like ocean tide, come andgo. Sensei asks us not to be bothered by and worried about trivial things, Ikept reading these quotations and reminding there are more things I still own,love and care. Something like the family’s health, love, mind fortune, youthand the fairy-tale life of study, comparing to these, maybe Lavender Kitty iseasily regarded as the trivia. Despite her origin from Hokkaido of Japan, beinga gift from mother, her existence of psychological comfort and love and howmuch I love her, she might be still just a small tiny thing in my life.Browsing through my room, Kitty is everywhere, Me2U bears are on the bed, deskand even the chest drawer, and many little to big favourites in the cupboard,maybe I should not hold everything that tight, maybe I should learn to Let Go!
Hokkaido Kitty 2.jpg
kitty and friend.jpg
In the samenight, after an hour crazily searching, I went to sit down in front of my gohonzon and chant for 15 minutes. During the time, I felt so lost and felt so unwilling to give up on her. I chant with the hope and belief that she willcome back to me. When I received my Gohonzon at a Chapter Day in Station Hotelin May 2007, brought along Peter Rabbit Mamma was left behind as I was overwhelmed by the joys and excitement of the receiving and enshrinement ceremony. Few hours later, before I discovering her disappearance, Charles had sent her backto me. This is the mysterious way of connection and happiness which Charlesowns to help. However, this time with the Kitty, Charles didn’t find her,Sainsbury didn’t find her, the Second hand Bookshop didn’t find her and I didn’t find her on the streets. This time I have no idea where it happened and when it happened. In spite of my firm belief that she will return, I know it takes more for her to reappear. It will be more mysterious quality to bring her back. I hope she will be with me again and if not I want her to be cherished as I did. Also, I want her to give more support, love and hope to the one who owns hernow. (Please please don’t be taken away by the street clean Hoover…..) and pleaselet her belongs to the child, from either poorly destitute or financially poshbackgrounds, who has the inspiration and love in her/his heart and never feel desperation and devastation in the childhood. I love you Kitty. I will miss you.
Note: I have found the Hokkaido Kitty somewhere.
She is not physically the exact one,
I am still very grateful for given the chance to come across again.
With the price of triple times from the previous one got from Hokkaido,
she is priceless and therefore no matter what
I will be taking her home, to seize the moment!
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