The Magic in Joggling
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Everyone surrounding me knows these few months would a tough period of my UK life, by virtue of joggling between hands the final draft, Buddhists activities, shipping and moving down stair. Natalya has been striving to get us young women in Northern Light district to participate in this year Summer course. Considering the big European Summer course at the Tret centre (France) at the corner in October, the regional summer courses for all divisions, young men, young women, men and women, seem unnecessary to plan to begin with. However, as considerate as the senior members and leaders usually are, they decide to still manage an 1-day summer course for each division in Scotland to accommodate those could not make it to the Tret Summer course financially or practically. It is brilliant news to me, as much as loving to join the heavenly summer course in Tret, the time just couldn't allow me to go.
I have already earned myself a place to stay in September (thanks to Dan and Agus); however, after September, I still don't know where to go, where to stay and what to do. And the Tret Summer Course is from 4th October. Therefore, it all sounds very reasonable for me to train myself in Scotland Summer course, instead of the impossible Tret Summer course. It is held in Glasgow and only takes one day. Reiko, the Japanese cafe owner, is catering for every young women in this summer course, which is super appealing to me. I have been thinking of her Sushi Cafe for years as soon as I knew her in the very first Scotland Summer course in 2007. And the course charges only £10 which is affordable; the transportation only cost me £10 for each journey (£20 return) which is the cheapest you could get from rail train already. Plus, in advance of every arrangement, Natalya and Alexendra offered their house to accommodate the regarding young women the previous night. Due to my annoying nature of not to disturb friends too much, if I go I would be taking one day return journey and avoiding leaving burden on Natalya's shoulder.
Moira Shearer in The Red Shoes 4.png
However, its not that easy to make decision whether to go or not for me, even just for an 1-day Summer course in Glasgow. I am an easily worrying person who strives for perfection all the time. Before the end of August, I have got to pack 7 boxes for Sevenseas to ship, finalise my thesis and moving down stair to a temporary staying place. The Summer course is at 28th of August, will I be capable to do everything in time? I couldn't, could I? Having received three emails from Natalya regarding the information forsummer course, I struggled and was defeated by the darkness in myheart. I told Natalya I won't be able to make it and gave the circumstances I am in right now hoping she would understand my situation. Natalya only asked me "do you want to go?" For me, its not just the personal willingness or desire, the decision involves too many other things. I replied with my reasoning, but she only wants to hear the "want or not."
on the previous day, Dannie received a letter accompanying with a Young men Summer course group photo from Andrew. He just wants to say hi and shares the joy of summer course with Dannie. I felt that why young women did the opposite? why I don't have the ease to simply reject or hide away? Thinking about the different perception between Young Women and Young men division, I felt unraveled: " Natalya, you were not me, you don't really know how busy I am right now!" It was direct which is a new side of me as well. Nat said she totally respects my feelings and we made an appointment for tomorrow for her to collect Butzugo from me and deliver to Michelle (who needs that for the Women Summer course as a Sun Flower lady).
After the phone call, I ranted to Dannie how different Young Women and Young Men are treated, just considering how different Natalya's and Andrew's approaches. Out of blue that Dannie was with Natalya. He didn't blame me for the uncomfortable decline to Nat but he reminds me that I am still a vice Young Women division leader for Aberdeen district and thats the difference between me and him. Also, it will be my last Young Women summer course in Scotland, if its only one day and takes place in Glasgow, I should go. He will support me to fully. After booking and paying the train tickets and 3 minutes diamoku, I phoned Nat and said I am going to Scotland Summer Course.
The reason bringing me to write about this is what I learned from this incidence and from the conversation I had with Nat today on her home visit to mine. She told me that she totally understands how difficult the things are for me, since all young women share the same karma and undergo the same things. Suyin in St. Andrew is, herself is and me in Aberdeen. She just wants me to understand that this bigger event (Summer course or others) is not an additional task to fit into my busy scheduled tasks joggling but that I should regard the bigger event/activity as a task to hold in hand first then every other tasks will fall into my hands naturally mysteriously.
Sharing the same qualities, Natalya is a worrier who strives for perfection as me. The thing is that under the busier time, holding more tasks than ever, we should be having faith in our Buddhahood that we could manage everything with the wisdom. Therefore, worry is just not that close to us anymore.
I thought this conversation was terrific and during the conversation I almost wanted to record it for future reference. I know I will miss Natalya very much. She has been the sun who shines the flowers (me and Suyin) in Northern Light District. I hope myself could learn much from this and grow from it. One day, the perfectionism won't bother me that much, joggling between loading tasks would be fun and worry will be never my thing anymore :) Then, I will be mature and stable enough to warmly shine onto the others steadily without time-outs.
p.s: I got Sensei's address in Japan from Nat. Its such a moving moment while hearing Sensei acknowledged Nat's letter accompanied by the Lilacs photograph on the Northern Light HQ meeting.
p.s: I also received a gift from Nat; its a book called Embracing Compassion: A Revolution in Leadership (there are two volume, Nat suggests me to get the second one in the future). The book arrives at my life at the right timing. I really feel I could use this book right now :)
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